If you're ever at a New Year's Party, and a fellow claims that USC won't score more than ten points the following day, you must do two things:
- Check to make sure that USC is playing the next day. They may well be in the national championship game, which, due to the pleasure the BCS takes in violating every sacrosanct rule of post-season college football (like the Big 10/Pac-10 Rose Bowl thing), is probably going to be on a Monday a week or more later so that every cubicle-dwelling troll who spends his Saturday nights going to the talkies will be sure to tune in. Also, and this may shock some less dedicated Trojan fans, get this shocker: the Trojans don't play in a New Year's (or later) bowl game every year. I know, I know, you don't believe me. But consult some kind of reliable history source, like Google or your septuagenarian neighbor and you'll see it's true. Pete Carroll has not been the 'SC coach since Howard Jones, and the Trojans, mighty though they be, have seen their dry spells (anyone remember when Mike Garrett seemed like the most vilified former Heisman-winning black running back from USC). So, check to make sure the Trojans have a playdate with some other collegiate punching bag the next day.
- Bet a hundred dollars that the schmo is wrong.
Now, if he wavers, offer him fifteen points...then twenty. You see, USC (ha, that's a line tour guides should use all the time on campus) has scored more than twenty points in the last 65 games...er, except for that UCLA disgrace this year. That basically means once in the last five+ years has SC failed to put up two dimes. Those odds are good. And they were good to me. I made that very bet not six days ago (or maybe it was six days ago...regardless) and BenF himself to be gracing my palm before the weekend concludes.
Hey, make some money. This tip is on me.
