Alma Mater Dear

Why couldn't I have thought of this?

A former USC lecturer who taught in the university's business school pleaded guilty Wednesday to conning his students and their parents out of $1.5 million by promising huge returns on real estate investments in Chicago and Las Vegas.

Barry Landreth, 37, faces up to 20 years in federal prison on a single felony count of wire fraud. He is scheduled to be sentenced June 4.

Landreth, a 2001 graduate of USC, was living in Coto de Caza and working as a part-time lecturer when he was arrested a year ago. He also was running Webster Realty Investors Inc., which billed itself as a diversified real estate investment and development company with projects nationwide, according to authorities.

More to the point, who the hell are these people who bite on this? Apparently Landreth offered a 190% return in 45 days...people, please, give me a break. They deserved to lose their shirts: they were buying into a Ponzi scheme and they knew it. Except, of course, Landreth was, how do I put this, an idiot:

Instead, Landreth deposited $718,000 of their money into his personal bank account, officials said. He used much of the remainder of the funds for personal expenses, prosecutors said, including $500,000 to buy and care for show jumping horses, a $73,000 Cadillac Escalade and $52,000 for brokerage accounts in his and his wife's names.

Lando, my man, you have to at least pay off some of the people. What did you think was going to happen? Why weren't you salting this all away into a bank account in the Bahamas? Aye yi yi, so many questions, so little time before he's imprisoned.

I'm guessing the law enforcement radar's going to be up now for Trojan alums trying to pull a fast one...guess I should lay low.

Hail to Heinie

"All Hail to Alma Mater
To thy glory we sing;
All Hail to Southern California
Loud let thy praises ring;
Where Western sky meets Western sea
Our college stands in majesty;
Sing our love to Alma Mater,
Hail, all hail to thee!"

So go the words to USC's alma mater, "All Hail." I just thought I'd preface this action by a member of the men's hockey team. Majesty, indeed.

I would just like to note that the headline indicates (if you click through) that an investigation is being launched. An investigation? Into what? Whether or not the man actually has a rear end?

Whoa Nelly...

Times like this, I'm glad not to be in college anymore. Sometime, I'll tell you why there are no doors on the stalls in the bathrooms in the bottom of Taper Hall. Then, I'll write a sentence that has seventeen consecutive prepositional phrases.

Roundup Fun

I've always felt a latent brutishness, waiting just below the surface of most Greek events in college, ready to explode at the slightest provocation. Lo and behold, my hypothesis now has at least one piece of anecdotal evidence:

A DPS officer was challenged to a fight following an altercation involving "chairs, pipes and other objects" and approximately 60 people outside the Beta Omega Phi fraternity house early Sunday morning.

An unnamed DPS officer was flagged down around 2:30 a.m. by Jae Chang, vice president of Beta Omega Phi, an Asian Greek Council fraternity located on The Row.

According to crime reports, the officer arrived on the scene to find "several large groups of males" in an altercation apparently initiated by two females at a party hosted by Beta Omega Phi.

There has to be a zoological term for congregations of idiots such as those most frequently present at Greek gatherings (don't worry, I've attended a few in my day...I just classify myself as a moron). I must say I love what happened next:

When the officer ordered the groups to cease fighting, four of the males challenged him to a fight while being urged on by other participants.

"(They) were not responding to the officer's order and actually advanced on him," said DPS Capt. David Carlisle. "It was a large, out-of-control brawl."

Saitoh called the situation a "slight altercation."

...

Crime reports state that the suspects fled when officers sprayed them with pepper spray after they refused to comply.

The incident is still under investigation by DPS and has been referred to both Student Affairs and Judicial Affairs.

"Girls fight about everything," said Saitoh. "I imagine it was a bit of drunken rage mixed with jealousy."

Congratulations to Kent Saitoh, a former president of Beta Omigoddidyoujustmakefunofmyhair PhightClub, for terrible damage control coupled with a little misogyny. More importantly, I love the fact that the tough guys got a face full of pepper spray. In this case, I can say that DPS has served humanity well.

In a note only related to the earlier links to the words "moron" and "idiot," it is worth noting that the scale for mental retardation no longer employs those terms. Now, mentally challenged folks are classified as mild, moderate, severe and profound. Oddly enough, I find most political moderates to actually be quite profound.

Huzzah!

Ding dong, the witch is dead! Which old Witch? The wicked Kiffich...

Okay, that was a stretch, but there is good news. Lane Kiffin is outta here. And, boy, does that make me happy.

Lane Kiffin grew up dreaming of becoming a head coach in the National Football League.

On Monday, the Oakland Raiders fulfilled that dream years before anyone other than Al Davis could have anticipated when they hired USC's 31-year-old offensive coordinator as the team's 16th head coach.

"I always thought a lot of things have to go right and work out, but if you continue to work hard and believe in yourself good things can happen," Kiffin said in a telephone interview.

I grew up dreaming for a decent playcaller for the Trojans, but that turned into a nightmare after Norm Chow departed. Okay, again, another exaggeration on my part, but Lane Kiffin and I are about as good friends as Noam Chomsky and John Candy (who actually bothers to click on these links, eh? I could put anything there). That's because John Candy's dead, but you get the idea.

In other news, this man really defies description. I guess I'm...amazed?

Ouch

Worst...editorial...ever?

Gotta love college journalism.

Band Waggin'

I'm not sure if there's even a soapbox racer for the hoopsmen of me alma mater, but after the UCLA game and this, I'm on whatever bandwagon exists. Maybe I'll even go see a game.

Sad News II: Mario Danelo

This news is actually a day old, but I thought I'd share it anyway:

LOS ANGELES (AP) -- Foul play probably was not a factor in the death of Southern California kicker Mario Danelo, whose body was found about 120 feet down a rocky cliff, police said Sunday.

"It was fairly apparent that this was either an accident or suicide," said Lt. Paul Vernon.

Danelo's brother said Sunday that "it was an unfortunate accident."

"He was a good kid," Joey Danelo said during a phone interview with The Associated Press. "There was not a person I know that didn't like him."

I never had a chance to formally meet Mario, but I saw him a couple times at parties and he seemed like a great guy. I've only heard the highest praise for him (though usually in the context of football). My condolences and prayers to the Danelo Family.