The Optimists International Club...

...does not count the L.A. Times among its members. Today's Times made for a particularly unsavory side to the French toast and sausage. Let's consider the stories:

Stocks sink on payroll picture:

Oh no! What could have happened? Did unemployment rise? Jobs didn't increase at a healthy clip? How fast is the sky falling? Um, no: "Surprisingly strong job and wage gains reduce hopes for a Fed rate cut." It only gets better:

Stocks and bonds ended the first week of 2007 with sharp losses Friday after a surprising surge in jobs and wages diminished investors' hopes for an interest rate cut.

Bond yields rose sharply after the Labor Department said U.S. employers increased their payrolls by 167,000 people in December and boosted workers' hourly wages by 0.5%. The unemployment rate held steady at 4.5%.

The report suggests that the economy won't be slowing as much as investors anticipated. That should prove positive for stocks in the long run...

Ah, I see! It makes perfect sense. Too damned many people are employed. Hey, where the hell is outsourcing when you need it? Please somebody fire someone, for love of your country.

Idiots. Of course, the article is lifted from the Associated Press, so at least the Times didn't generate this excrement itself. Some editor just lathered it all over the front page of the Business section. Bravo.

Another wonderful headline...

Dark cloud over good works of Gates Foundation:

Ebocha, Nigeria - Justice Eta, 14 months old, held out his tiny thumb.

An ink spot certified that he had been immunized against polio and measles, thanks to a vaccination drive supported by the Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation.

But polio is not the only threat Justice faces. Almost since birth, he has had respiratory trouble. His neighbors call it "the cough." People blame fumes and soot spewing from flames that tower 300 feet into the air over a nearby oil plant. It is owned by the Italian petroleum giant Eni, whose investors include the Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation.

Not much to comment on here. Standard journalism...good people are bad and, let's face it, the world would be better off without Bill Gates and his money. Those poor little Africans with tiny thumbs. If only they were full of diseases and didn't have to contend with, *gasp*, pollution!


Dedicated seafarers 'saved my life,' says rescued Newport Beach sailor:

Aboard a Chilean fishing trawler 500 miles offshore, rescued Newport Beach sailor Ken Barnes began recounting over a scratchy radio connection his harrowing three days alone near Cape Horn on his disabled 44-foot ketch.

"I really haven't had a chance to put this whole experience in perspective," Barnes said from aboard the Polar Pesca I, a 200-foot boat carrying a 35-member crew. "I'm just taking one step at a time. I knew the risks.

"I'm feeling fine," he added. "It's always nice to see that the sailing and ocean community is one. They saved my life."

Of, wonderful, you're alive and you only lost your 250,000 dollar boat, a sacrifice apparently you are willing to make. But wait! You're not the only one making sacrifices, Barnesie...

A duty officer posted at the Chilean navy's office in Punta Arenas noticed Barnes' distress signal at 9 p.m. Tuesday local time (4 p.m. PST). Valenzuela ordered both the Polar Pesca I and a 570-feet Spanish cargo ship named Algarve to head toward him. The rescuers faced financial losses because of the detour — the fishing boat's load of cod spoiled during the search, and the cargo vessel lost $50,000 a day, Valenzuela said.

"It was a sacrifice, but someday someone will be making the sacrifice for them," Valenzuela said, noting that neither vessel would be compensated.

Way to go Barnes. You're a real American hero and adventurer. I hope you kicked whatever midlife crisis you were going through because you just cost a bunch of Chilean fisherman another quarter of a million dollars, and, hey, they're not getting a dime. Way to go, bub.